Nelson Mandela… Great man this was. I’ve possibly heard bits and pieces of his heroic story all my life. Watched a detailed documentary that touched both his personal and political life a moment ago and I couldn’t help a tear flowing. 27 were his prison years, for standing up against evil and abuse on a nation, 27 years of forced hard labor and a tiny cell confinement, 27 years did not break him! 27 years bore no hate in him. Now that’s something!
I’ll tell you something else; this man met Winnie Mandela in the middle of all this chaos and crisis, married her in the middle of a Treason Trial. I imagine a day he came back to a room they’d probably use as an office from a court session, all worn out and exhausted, wondering whether his fate would be behind bars or if he will even live to see the following day, a fellow comrade tapping his shoulder saying get some rest man, tomorrow we keep fighting and he says yes, I just need to marry Winnie first then we continue…Well anyways, however the events panned out, we know they married during a trial. Talk about when a man wants a woman!
Did he love her? Or did he need her, or maybe both? Can both exist together? What is Love? Is love the butterfly feeling one gets every time they see the person they say they love? Is it that rosy cozy feeling, or a stimulation one gets at the thought or sight of a person? Should this be forever and a proof of ‘meant to be’ kind of love? What happens when it’s gone? Is that a sign that you are/were not meant to be? What is unconditional Love?
There possibly is not a perfectly tailored answer to all these, yet I do know something about “needing” someone, and how that is ever mistaken for Love. We meet someone with an attribute we lack in ourselves be it materially, emotionally, even physically and suddenly they are attractive to us, we joyfully label them as ‘the complete of us’. The one need that we segregate however (at least ethically), in our eyes to be ‘wrong’ falls on the materials, lashing out names in the likes of ‘gold-diggers’ yet we have decorated all other needs as simply okay.
We meet a super ambitious strong person, a go getter, risk taker, did something that we, when placed in a similar situation, would not have a bone for it. Then again, have you ever met someone that said, ‘I need a lighter guy/woman because I need my kids to have that mix of color’? Someone that said, she looks like she can have healthy children for me? When we realize we can have these people, we quickly go for it. We want to posses them and these benefits we will get by having them, becomes the basis of this love, it’s a claiming type of love, for that admirable ‘need’. We cunningly forget that no human is an exception to error, that many a times, flesh grows not in the most enticing manner, that perfection is a myth. This ‘need’, which is attached to whatever form of appearance, is greatly compromised when suddenly the appearance vanishes.
Poof…the rosy butterfly feeling becomes vapor in the air!
So seeing that I may not know much, I thought to seek the author of love, him who IS love and boy does he break it down so clearly that; ‘Love is kind, love does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, and thinks no evil. Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things and endures all things. Love never fails’ – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Biggest question would probably be, can we find all these in another when we are not it ourselves? Maybe this just needs to be an inside job. Maybe just maybe, wholeness, completeness is something we need to be and not seek it exterior. See when this ‘need’ is made irrelevant, you know that your choice to be with another is unconditional.
So hey, a free Nelson Mandela later divorced Winnie (unfortunately), went on to build his nation, reconcile his people and then, he did what most 80 year old’s don’t typically do. He got married to the beautiful Graca Marcel.
I bet most of us concluded his sanity. What does he need her for? Why would they even be together? Isn’t he a little late? Is that love? …I am smiling!
Love Is Amazing!