Almost mid-night and I read some post on social media that has my drowsy attention, it’s about a ‘right woman’ wanting from a man only his time, loyalty, honesty, effort and her being held high in priority . This right woman, as stated, will have lesser, possibly no interest on a man’s money, cars, gifts or any material stuff for that matter. In a quick glance, I could not agree more. Well you know, it is the internal stuff that’s supposed to matter more no? Nevertheless, I watch the discussion, as a series of agreements and disagreements unfold, coupled with a mixture of emotions from personal experiences and a show of appropriateness for the socially correct facade, all taking charge fashionably.
It dawns on me that, that on these given choices and their parameters, there really is no right or wrong sight of this, none whatsoever; it is all so very subjective. Does this want of this mentioned, ‘right woman’ guarantee her kindness, modesty or love? Is it possible that she is of no regard to those material gains because she already has those in abundance or lived in the presence of such, had favor in seeing a struggle to attain such, ascertaining first hand that ‘it is possible for all’ and so not placing much value in possessions but rather long for a different portray of affection ? Or Is it possible that she holds these material gains in high regard because she has, for the most part of her life, lacked those and has always felt the gruesome pinch of lacking, does that make her a bad person when she is cautious? Are there not any loyal, honest and true women that also want the cars and gifts from a man? Why do we tell our boys from a young age to work hard so that they could take proper care of their wives and children, does that not entail provision of finances and all their material needs? Are there not men present, who in sharing a fraction of their material trophies, genuinely translate that to love for one? When a man is a show of all these, his time, loyalty and priority, is unselfish of his money, cars and gifts, does that make him automatically right for you? Is this truly all there is to a criterion of who a right woman or right man for that matter is?
You know, over my not very significant time here and a small dose of experience, I’ve simply understood how much different we all are and how we, crazily define love in our own cunning ways. We are all, one way or the other, victims of a catastrophic collision of histories! Truth is, we all have some kind of history that subconsciously guides our minds and emotions which allows us to define everything, every situation and everyone we come across with from a personal perspective. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt so misunderstood…you search for that which you did wrong, yet you cannot place a finger at one, you know you have always had the best intentions, you did and gave your very best yet somehow there still is friction. The strangest thing being, those whom you are in collision with feel the same exact way…misunderstood! Brace yourself darling, your histories just shook hands, and they did not quite fancy each other. That which we observed, experienced (good or bad), will in some way lay a foundation and subconsciously justify our actions.
We decide what is precious and important by reason of scarcity or rareness, and devalue that which is in abundance. We rigidly hold on to that which we feel is safe, that which is familiar and we feel in control with, we ruin beautiful relations, flee situations, anything or anyone that just stretches us to that unfamiliar ground, that place which will demand higher responsibility and accountability, a place that leaves our weaknesses naked, a place where all doors lead to a soul search. Ironically, when this place is faced, dealt with, healed from, it looses its grip on us. A wise man once said ‘There is little that can withstand a man that has conquered himself’. In the most unfortunate manner, histories with regard to love, may ruin what is good by constantly bringing collisions of ideologies, polishing it with pride or join what is just not right, only comfortable, for the ego.
We list these man-made, ‘right woman/ right man’ requirements and center them between minute trivialities and get so consumed in the confusion. Thing is, how risky is it to base a life altering decision on issues that keep changing just like that! I mean all that we tend to factor as important ‘things’ in the checklist are not guaranteed to remain the same. Financials, Self image, sex, emotions, jobs, children, age, all alter. Well, we might as well point them out, lest we get married for some crazy reason like having children. What if they don’t come? What if they come and go? When you look at these you realize there are two (equal chance of happening) sides to every aspect, they can be good, and they can be pretty ugly.
Basing a decision solely on the liking of these aspects and hoping for them to remain only a good side is just too darn risky. Funny how when the not good part shows up, we act as though it’s the strangest phenomenal, where the heck did that come from? It’s almost a fault for the other. Well, hello there, may I inform you, that while sex may be exhilarating at one point, it can also be bad, when financing flows, it may also dry up, jobs come and go, children are simply a blessing and we are vehicles entrusted to bring this individual onto this earth, he has a billion other vehicles to choose from, self image can get tarnished and that is a reality. When this becomes a race to attain the ‘things’ with a hope that in some way they allow our existence to be of some relevance, that we secure some form of acceptance, this just would be an abyss of nowhere.
We circle round and round, nit picking requirements from a bunch of people, realize a weakness, feel as though we deserve better, run to chase another with one or two ‘attractive’ qualities we keep searching for, then they realize our weaknesses, we secretly hope for them to be okay with, it terrifies us to be so vulnerable, to have to accept that a change is necessary, much so when its suggested by ‘the one’, that too leads us into another hideout, we get angry, we get scared, after a while decide time is in our minds, running out, so we just pick a safe option, one that keeps the ego well fed, one that has shown an ability to bare with a broken us. This place is so confusing, something in us silently cries, just wonders, could there be something better? It feels suffocating, like being stirred, whirled in a big pot of hot heavy soup, while the stirrer laughs out loud with that wicked diabolical sound.
Psst…there actually is, there is a darkness that wants to keep you consumed right where you are, in the circle of nothing. Where the trivial is magnified so much so that it controls your thinking, your decisions, your actions, so that for as long as it can, it holds that firm grip over you. Ah, but why would it let you have an understanding that a union of a man and woman is but for a higher predestined purpose. That everyone has an original intent (a very specific assignment, some functionality purposed) to be here (on earth) in the first place. That irrespective of how, why and when one arrives here, no child is an accident. When we are allowed to bare them, we are simply trustees of another reason of existence, we do not own them, but simply trusted for a moment in time with them.
‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you’ – Jeremiah 1:5.
It terrifies the gripper when one is focused and aligned, when the mind seeks for that which will stand, when flesh is contained and disciplined, when he who makes known the end from the beginning , from ancient times what is still to come is sought, when this happens the trivialities begin to lose weight in one’s decisions and actions. In the heart of this enlightened being, it no longer becomes a question of where one is but where he/she is going, it becomes about the vision, and the bigger picture, whether or not we or anyone we intent to share that with is well equipped. When the presence or lack of the ‘things’ no longer has an impact on one, no longer influences one’s decisions, the grip is released, you become this limitless being in the direction of greatness dangerous to the gripper. The delight shifts, the gripper trembles for he knows with that, you are about to receive the desires of your heart from the one whom originally placed them and knows them best, you would receive a thorough precision.
‘In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory’, – Ephesians 1: 11,12.
I love the portrait above, one of my favorites really. I think it carries so much heart, so much vulnerability, compassion and unity. It is almost as though the man is overwhelmed with so much yet the woman ( the wife i suppose) is right there ready to absorb if for a moment that would release a gentle relief. I can almost hear a whisper of reassurance. Is he grateful for her presence? Would he allow himself that chance or push her away? Will he remember their vision/purpose to be above any ‘thing’ seeking to destruct?
Well, Love remains a beautiful phenomenal!